This article from Cory Sullivan, Army Master Sergeant and long-serving member of the special operations community, reminds us that mentorship is an essential element for personal and professional development. Whereas there’s a lot of differing guidance on how to become a better mentor, many would agree that mentoring can be a learned skill based upon repetition. Let’s dive deeper together.
Most of the mentors in my life admit to learning as they go and reflecting on their own personal mentor/mentee relationships. Throughout my career, I have had several successful and unsuccessful mentor and mentee relationships. Hopefully, the lessons I learned will bring some inspiration and reflection on your mentorship process.
Lesson #1: Know Yourself & Know Others: Mentorship is relational and requires focusing on the relationship over the task of mentorship. A hardy relationship builds a lasting connection, overwhelming allegiance, and trust. These components develop over time through meaningful and authentic conversations. Great mentors know how to create a working environment that lets others speak freely… that lets them both, mentor and protégé, become vulnerable.
Authenticity in mentorship is an approach that leverages one’s self-awareness. The ability to self-examine our values, thoughts, and beliefs will help us determine who we are as a human. Taking it a step further, a great mentor can also determine how they are perceived by others. The mentor’s goal should be developing this awareness in others. The better we know the person across from us, the more we can dig in on how to help them succeed.
Finally, technology is not a substitute for mentorship. Sure, there are social media sites and professional networking sites that help foster connections, but what people crave is human interaction. Deep bonds flourish through highly personal interactions.
Lesson #2: Quality engagements matter – Impact over Momentum: One area that great mentors excel in is high-quality engagements that leave an impact. Unfortunately, not all mentors view the process the same way. Some mentors view the process as a race to the finish line or a ‘check the box’ engagement. These relationships, by design, teach competencies required to elevate careers – this creates momentum. This view of mentorship is not incorrect; yet, it fails to develop someone to their true potential. One could argue that high-quality mentorship focuses on the whole person to develop their soft skills and values while simultaneously honing the career competencies.
High-quality engagements are far more likely to leave an impact on both parties. The mentor needs to harness the momentum created and focus it on strategic and powerful conversations. Active listening and the ability to ask the right question are skills to utilize to have those powerful conversations. Each interaction should have a purpose, a direction, and a way forward.
Lesson #3: Mentorship takes time – Development is a process: Good mentorship requires time and energy. Therefore, both parties must align holistically to benefit mutually from the relationship. First, mentorship requires a strong relationship built on personal connection and a deep level of trust. As the relationship grows, so shall the commitment to the process. Be mindful of the time required during this stage and never rush the process. Second, communicate expectations early and often while creating an action plan that lays out the developmental journey. A plan gives parameters and starts an accountability process throughout the journey. Finally, great mentors help set attainable goals and typically set timeframes to plan, implement, review, and reflect throughout the process.
One area that can quickly degrade mentor engagements is time management. We all know that time management and a good action plan are vital to the process. Sometimes, we only need to let the process breathe and flow naturally. In my experience, high performers are problem solvers and like to push and develop everyone around them. Resisting the urge to solve a problem unlocks new developmental pathways. Let the other party learn to get to the answer themselves. Guiding someone in the right direction can be more powerful than giving them the solution. Enjoy the chance to leave an impact and maybe learn something new along the way.
Lesson #4: Be proactive rather than reactive: The goal of any mentor should be to develop a long-lasting relationship that provides a high level of learning. The best mentors utilize a proactive approach to facilitate this developmental process. The keys to proactive mentorship are proper planning and preparation. This occurs from the onset as the two parties laid out an action plan that they think best encompasses the skills, experiences, and lessons learned to accomplish desired goals. Additionally, proactive mentors keep the process moving forward by initiating consistent communication and feedback.
While being proactive is ideally the best-case practice, really great mentors know there is a time and place to be reactive. On occasion, we need to find and fix problems to move through a challenging area or stuck moment. Be wary of becoming comfortable and complacent when spending too much time in reactive mentorship. It tends to manifest itself when the focus turns toward ourselves, we fixate on problem-solving, and we become overly judgmental.
Lesson #5: Seek and utilize help – We all need support: Special operations forces assess, train, and develop some of the finest soldiers in the world. These soldiers are mentally, physically, and emotionally resilient, but all of them require constant support mechanisms to do their jobs well. Mentorship is no different. Good mentorship requires a robust support mechanism. Two people rely on one another to learn, motivate, and grow, but it is not always enough. A challenge with this model is sometimes it can become stale or stagnant. Sometimes, a mentor doesn’t have the requisite knowledge to help in a particular area in the developmental journey. Great mentors know they need help and know where to find it.
I hope you learn something from these lessons. Egos are powerful things that can hinder doing the harder right over the easier wrong. The best mentors realize when they need to seek help, step aside, or end the relationship. We owe it to one another to get the best available person to continue the developmental journey.