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The Crossroads and the Paths Taken Pt III

Kirk Proctor

This is the third and final part of a series by Kirk Proctor on his experiences as a Congressional Fellow. Read parts one and two for the rest of the story.



My personal career path is uncommon to say the least, and as thoughtful as I’ve has been, I intend to continue traveling along the untraveled path.  I personally hope not to place myself in a situation where the responsibilities inhibit professional progression or one in which I am comfortable, content, idle, and stagnant or that the responsibilities stall my professional development and interpersonal growth or a situation in which my responsibilities exceed my expertise, ultimately resulting in both professional and personal setbacks. Such thoughts draw parallels between the outcomes of my potential decisions and The Tragic Story of the Fall of Icarus (1)The story is appealing as it presents the conflict between ambition and the state of content. I could go on to have a routine, predictable set of military career and maneuver through the assignment process with an unthoughtful approach and a lesser role in driving Army priorities forward, valuing comfortability and lethargy. I, however, have always endeavored to excel, setting goals that few people think to set and unique opportunities that few people strive to experience. So far, the behavior has rewarded me with everything I have today, and I hope it continues to do so. The alternative, however, is that I crash down into the water from the stresses the latter half of my assignment. 


What does provide assurance are the similarities I can identify throughout my career. Referencing Joseph Campbell's, The Hero with a Thousand Faces, there have been moments when I found myself in the belly of the whale (2). Campbell describes a point into which the protagonist is consumed to his or her lowest point, often leading to great misfortune and sometimes death. I translate the passage of being at one's lowest point, which could be an instance of self-doubt or a feeling of defeat. With my figurative reading of the passage, I have personally been in the belly of the whale on three separate occasions throughout my career. 


The first was an NCO, confident, well-read, and eager to learn. Conflict arose with a new and more senior NCO who did not receive the blind loyalty she believed she deserved. The outcome was an unfavorable eval reflective of the leader's pathos. The second instance was as a cadet who was second in his class after the fall semester, but irrationally placed at the bottom of my class at the start of the spring semester by a new instructor (the instructor determined my class ranking without viewing recent academic records and seemed to rely on my appearance as the measure of my academic performance and potential). The third was as a Company Commander in Korea. My Battalion Commander grew furious with me after reflecting a subordinate's disrespectful behavior pattern on an evaluation. He deemed the LT as a passionate, professional yet frustrated Officer who is anxious to change stations. I would later be told that her behavior was a response to me having immature thought processes while being petty towards the junior Officer. I found myself believing I was in a twilight zone following my leader's rhetoric and his following evaluation of me. 


As tragic as I believed each of these situations to be, I held on to a slight sense of optimism, believing in the tiny flickering light at the end of my tunnel, in which I achieved a state of apotheosis once reaching the light (3). Each of these instances is worthy of mentioning for what transpired next. I was later selected for the Army's Green to Gold Program the following year after the constant dispute with the senior NCO. Upon graduation and completing my time as a cadet, I received Distinguished Military Graduate Honors, landing in the top 10% of all ROTC cadets in the nation, proving to the instructor my value. Moreover, after my disbelief at my boss' response (and receiving a new boss due to their permanent change of station season), I earned several Army Service Component Command awards and leadership award nominations to now being selected to serve as a Congressional Defense Fellow. Disassociating any sense of divinity from apotheosis, the belly of the whale developed me into a more able leader and person. The feeling of vindication is only a plus in addition to the outcomes. 


It is essential for me to reflect on the perceived belly of the whale experiences just as much as those of apotheosis. In seeking similarities, I remain confident that the specific crossroads will lead me to where I should be and that the challenges, obstacles, and occasional adversity and setbacks will lead to something greater, therefore reducing any concerns about sharing an ending similar to Icarus, regardless of my assignment (4). After all, there are lessons to be learned from mistakes, and one cannot honestly know success unless the individual is familiar with failure. Seeking a typical assignment and normal Army career would likely not result in me being in the belly of the whale but would not lead me to the point of apotheosis either. As iron sharpens iron, the pressure, grinding, and polishing within the process is intimidating and frustrating at best, though cathartic in the end. 


However, more private roads overlap the professional ones, which I need to familiarize myself with. Communication and relationship building with a significant other is uncharted territory especially as we prepare to introduce a child into the world, and one I am constantly determining how to navigate. The themes of mutual dependency vastly outweigh and are pursued over roles of hierarchy that my partner and I both seek to employ and strive to achieve (5). Exercising the thought of perceptions, expectations, and how we both envision our relationship developing is a novel experience for me as I learn to enjoy the constant learning and practicing the art of patience. I look forward to seeing how things unravel as I move from this unfamiliar crossroad. 


The decision on which path to take when two lay before an individual has the tipping point potential to lead to great and fortunate experiences and relationships, regardless of how minor the decision may appear in the moment. The less-taken paths often lead to more divergences, resulting in growth and substantial character transformation. While others, the path most traveled, may offer more comfort and ease. In a few days I will preference which utilization division I will be assigned. The assignment will place me on a path where I can predict the beginning of the path, but unable to confirm the destination until the next crossroads. After all, there are unfamiliar paths, such as the one I share with my fiancé or the ones I am still unsure what to take from, such as my father's passing. What I can confirm is that without struggle, there is zero success. So if I end up in the belly of the whale during my future assignment, I will remain confident in the development process and the apotheosis that will occur thereafter. As Robert Frost, I seldom wonder about the path not chosen, but unlike him I am overwhelmingly satisfied with the paths I chose and the ones that I will soon choose.



 
  1. Gabi Ancarola, “The Tragic Story of the Fall of Icarus,” GreekReporter.com (The Greek Reporter, September 8, 2022), https://greekreporter.com/2022/09/08/story-daedalus-icarus-fall/.

  2. Joseph Campbell, The Hero with a Thousand Faces, 3rd ed. (Novato, CA: New World Library, 2008), 74.

  3. Ibid, 129.

  4. Morihei Ueshiba and John Stevens, The Art of Peace (Boston, MA: Shambhala Publications Inc., 2005), 133.

  5. John Milton, Milton's Paradise Lost (London, UK: Arcturus Publishing Limited, 2015), 56.


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