This week’s post is by our founder, Jim Perkins. It’s about giving thanks and the communities that support us. This is the story of how this project came together and where we hope it will go. Comment, like, share, and visit MilitaryMentors.org. Sign up and encourage others to do so as well!
Photo by Adam Winger on Unsplash
Thanksgiving is all about appreciating what you have, but if we really wanted to show gratitude we would do a lot more than a meal once a year. I’m not saying this to be inflammatory nor am I proposing changing the holiday tradition, but I am suggesting that we take it a bit further. Paraphrasing the words of Aristotle, “We are what we repeatedly do. Gratefulness, therefore, is not an act, but a habit.” Don’t wait to give thanks once a year – do it habitually.
So, what’s the alternative? How should we give thanks year round? The answer is simply to do just that: give.
Give and Take
In his best-selling book, “Give and Take”, psychologist Adam Grant explains how and why the people who give the most in the world are not just more grateful, but they are also more successful. At the risk of oversimplifying Adam’s work, I will offer some basic explanation: Givers get energized from the act of giving and they then have more energy for their jobs. Burned out teachers found more joy and worked harder when they were allowed to tutor students after school.
Certainly, this may seem counter-intuitive to some, but for givers, it is all about motivation. Most of us view the world through the lens of being a “matcher”, trading value back and forth with each other. We reciprocate for those who have helped us or give with the expectation of a favor returned. What does your LinkedIn network look like?
Givers, though, seek to add value and take pleasure in helping others even when they have nothing to gain. For them, networking is about connecting others, not themselves, but it comes back to them. As Samuel Johnson purportedly wrote, “The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.”
What am I thankful for?
Getting back to the topic of Thanksgiving, I’d like to say that I am most thankful for: my wife, my family, my friends, and my country. Together, these are what bring me joy every day and gave me all of the opportunities and comforts that I enjoy. I am also thankful for the mentors who I have in my life – the people to whom I can turn for advice when I am truly lost. On Thanksgiving, I think that I added a new one to the list. Adam is an infantry Lieutenant Colonel in the National Guard and he welcomed me into his house while my wife worked at the hospital. He and I spent most of the day discussing work topics, but in a way that gave me new insights that only a senior leader – a mentor – can offer.
As the founder of Military Mentors, I am also incredibly thankful for the community of veteran entrepreneurs at the Defense Entrepreneurs Forum and Patriot Boot Camp. Both of these organizations actually include “community” as a guiding principle and I have invaluably benefitted from their support, insight, and encouragement. This project hasn’t really done anything yet, but it would never have gotten this far without encouragement and support.
Give, Habitually
Full disclosure, I’m not the best example of Adam Grant’s lessons. I’m actually slightly more of a matcher than giver, but I can change. Being a giver is much like a personality, but it can change through increased self-awareness and other ways, too.
When I first conceived of Military Mentors, I was just thinking about myself and what I owed to the people who had mentored me. I was grateful for their roles in my life and I wanted to create a network and a community for mentoring in the military.
As Adam explains in his book, “If we create networks with the sole intention of getting something, we won’t succeed. We can’t pursue the benefits of networks; the benefits ensue from investments in meaningful activities and relationships.” In mentoring, this is called “star chasing” and it seems to never work out well. On the other hand, generous mentors just help anyone who reaches out to you and this is the true example of being a giver.
We all know that MilitaryMentors.org is not going to IPO and make us rich, but we hope that it will create a platform for professional development to serve a new generation of military professionals. If it doesn’t, that’s ok, too. Chevy, Ralph, and I just want to try because we enjoy helping others and because we want to say thanks to everyone who has helped us.
We certainly hope that you’ll join us. Mentoring might not get your promoted faster, but it will help you become a better leader and member of a team. You’ll be more grateful and you’ll be more patient. You just might also get that extra energy to lead from the heart.