This week’s post comes from our Chief Mentor Officer Chevy Cook. He let’s us in on a few stories about how his belief of the meaning of Christmas was shaped, and how that plays into a view of mentorship. As always, post, comment, share and pass along this message to others… especially in the spirit of the giving season!!
Photo by Jamie Coupaud on Unsplash
Christmas. A time of happiness for many the world over. Tradition abounds as families and friends come together. Childhood memories froth forth as we gather during the holidays. Our parents may even bring out old videos and photos (hopefully not any embarrassing ones). By now none of us still believe in Santa Claus, right? But I would bet that you probably do believe in what he represents: cheer, wishes and giving. We all desire to be Santa for someone and also want to have a Santa in our lives.
Christmas has a sordid history in my life. There was a point where my family wasn’t doing well enough to afford presents for us. We heated our home with the oven. My brother and I shared a room and didn’t have a dresser, closet or bureau, so we folded all our clothes and stored them on a dilapidated couch. On Christmas Eve we went outside to meet a late-model station wagon with Salvation Army stickers on the doors in our driveway. The driver swung open the rear door to display a couple worn cardboard boxes filled with hand-me-down toys. We were matter-of-factly told that we could choose a couple items each to play with the next day when we awoke. We rummaged through the scant choices and picked a few things each. Needless to say, there was little to keep us up that night.
Later on in life things got much better and we were just like any other kids who couldn’t sleep the night before Christmas. We came to really appreciate those times because of where we had been once. We stayed up as long as we possibly could, nervous with excitement. We eventually would slip off to dreamland, waking up super early the next day to gleefully play a guessing game as to what we would find under the tree in the living room as we waited for the grown-ups to awaken. Because of such a varied childhood experience, I believed that I truly understood the meaning of Christmas. But in reflection my definition encompassed receiving much more than it did giving.
I found a new meaning to the holiday after having a child. I realize now the depth of giving. Seeing the joy and the elation on her face on Christmas Day is truly amazing. If I received nothing on December 25th and still got the chance to see her light up brighter than all the candles emblazing the tree I’d always be a happy man. There’s something about giving to others that really brings warmth, wholeness and sense of purpose. But my daughter is an only child so she gets to be the center of attention on that day, receiving a lot of gifts from family and friends. Knowing how much that being the focus of our family could teach her one half of the bigger meaning of the Christmas story, we’ve enacted a tradition for her that day.
When she finishes opening up all her gifts and plays for a while we then go to her old toys and decide what we are going to place in a bag for donations. She has to choose an equivalent amount to give up that matches how much she’s received. It makes for some tough decision making on her part, but it makes her appreciate both giving and receiving. We discuss how important it is to not just give away what we don’t want and what’s broken, but what would be good and worthy for others to have and appreciate. After doing it for a couple years, we believe that she’s grown to understand what it means and enjoys it.
Like the gifts that get exchanged during the holidays, mentorship should also be about giving AND receiving. We gain a great deal from being mentored, but we should never forget to be giving of ourselves as well. The relationship has to be reciprocal. A connection has to be maintained. Thanks should always be proclaimed. A note, a handshake, a call just to check-in, or an unannounced visit goes a long way. Do you only call your mentor to set up a meeting to tackle a work dilemma? Do you only reach out to them when you’re looking for advice on a career step? Don’t stop there, because there are many other questions to think about as well. But what about the flipside when you are the mentor? Are you only waiting on your protégé to reach out to you? Are you only offering career advice, or are you interested in their family’s well-being? Are you just giving them guidance and not being open to your own growth? Reciprocal means that both members of the relationship should grow, seek deeper connection and positively interact in the partnership. Time is a powerful investment and an extremely meaningful gift to give.
Continue to share in the gift of mentorship. I don’t doubt that you know the benefits of mentorship. Make sure that if you’re being mentored you make your mentor feel like they’re more than just a reference or a connection. Share with them more than just your needs. Find ways to give back to them and make them feel appreciated. On the obverse I’m sure if you’ve mentored effectively you’ve felt the joy of seeing your mentee grow to meet their aspirations. To me it feels very similar to watching my daughter light up on Christmas Day. I’m sure you feel great when they pass along their gratitude just as I do on Christmas when my daughter runs up to me with a big beaming smile, a whole-hearted bear hug and a gracious thank you. Don’t forget to let them know how you feel and how proud of them you are. Through mentorship we can always engage in a gift that simply keeps on giving.