This week’s post is by Chevy Cook, our Chief Mentor Officer. It’s about the giving AND the receiving that can happen during mentorship relationships. The theme for the month of December is “the gift of mentorship”. Comment, like, share, and visit MilitaryMentors.org.
Photo by Kira auf der Heide on Unsplash
The holiday season is such a feel-good time. This time of year, we look to give of ourselves in so many ways. The familiar clanging of Salvation Army bells outside of the mall or a retail store magnetically draws many toward the donation bin as we head inside to buy so many others precious gifts. We strategically plan out travel to carve out time with family and connect with friends who we haven’t seen in a while. Potlucks and ugly sweater parties bring about gift exchanges amongst coworkers. It can be a very merry time of giving and getting.
Mentorship is usually seen as a practice of giving. It truly is a gift to impart one’s time, knowledge, care and fellowship toward another’s growth. When being mentored we feel important, accepted, and worthy. The mentor has usually been down the road that the protégé is walking on or is about to travel down, so taking time to impart some lessons that were learned can potentially save some hurt, mistake, or disappointment. Humans innately have an internal (and sometimes irrational) fear that we will not succeed so we initially seek safety and certainty, as shown by the bottom two levels of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. This fear of failure has been shown through psychological studies to slow self-determination through the natural outcropping of procrastination, self-doubt, self-sabotage, and many other things.[1] From this frame of mind, in a way mentors elevate mentees out of the depths of themselves, but also help them avoid future pitfalls that potentially could occur. This safety and security for the present and the future are fundamental needs naturally met by mentorship. When you think about it that way, it truly is a gift or blessing to have a mentor.
But mentorship, if done the right way, is a collaborative and reciprocal process of engagement between the involved parties. That must mean that there is a ‘gift exchange’ of sorts. Though most mentors engage in the relationship for the sole outcome of enhancing the protégé’s potential there no doubt is a bit of benefit that can come back to them.
Mentors get something from the relationship too. How does mentoring help the mentor? According to researchers Aarti Ramaswami and George Dreher there are six key reasons[2]:
Human capital – Mentors can absorb a lot of new information from their mentees which increases their effectiveness.
Movement capital – Mentors also gain awareness of new opportunities as their mentees move within their work spheres or go to new organizations.
Optimal resource usage – Mentors free up time by potentially delegating work through developmental experiences.
Social/political capital – Mentors can expand their influence by mentoring others, increasing their own reputation.
Identity substantiation – Mentors can potentially also enhance their own self-awareness, self-discovery, and growth.
Relational gains – Mentors can grow a bond with mentees which can ultimately bolster their own physical, mental, and spiritual health.
With respect to these six factors, let us revisit why they potentially occur. In an earlier MilitaryMentors.org blog (“Mentoring for light bulb moments”, 16 NOV 2015) we discussed the seven critical elements to ensuring a learning environment is set up in a mentorship relationship. The first element mentioned was reciprocity. BOTH members contribute to each other, gain new knowledge, new perspectives, and value added. If mentorship is a gift to the mentee, then, it also will be a gift to the mentor as well.
This of course doesn’t mean that mentors should go into mentorship relationships looking for their own benefits; we are not advocates of anything less than the fundamental nature of selfless service. No one goes to a soup kitchen during the holidays to serve meals to the homeless with the expectation that they will get to take some of the food to their own home. But one should know that a mentor-mentee relationship doesn’t have to strictly be a one-way street with respect to potential benefits. Foster the right relationship, and both will inevitably prosper.
Of due note, the real benefits usually manifest when years down the line someone you helped along the way calls you up, writes you a note, or sends you some other correspondence telling you how much they appreciated your ‘gift’ to them way back when you were their mentor. You’ll then know one of the best feelings surrounding mentorship. It is very similar to the joy of the holiday season, when everyone is a little closer, when we tend to remember those good times growing up, and when we hopefully focus more outwardly. The reflection that happens in those moments will also happen when your mentee tells you about where they are and what they’ve done because of your involvement in their life. The smile that runs across your cheeks and the warmth in your heart will always be better than anything else that you could possibly unwrap during the holidays.
[1] Timothy Pychyl, “Fear of failure”, Psychology Today, accessed 6 DEC 2015, available from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/dont-delay/200902/fear-failure
[2] Ramaswami, A., & Dreher, G. F. (2007). “The benefits associated with workplace mentoring relationships”, in T. D. Allen & L. T. Eby (Eds.), Blackwell handbook of mentoring: A multiple perspectives approach (pp. 211-231). London: Blackwell.