Balancing Work and Family Life

Our newest piece is by Army Captain Aldon Landers. In it he talks about a topic which will never be too old – work life balance. Stories, struggles, and lessons learned like these will always be timeless and will continue to offer us glimpses into how we can teach and mentor junior officers past the same points of friction, starting a conversation that will spark a transformation.

I have always been able to create goals, but aligning those goals with priorities in my life has been a struggle to prioritize and execute at the appointed time. Over the years I have developed a mindset of being a servant leader, which always puts others first, but initiates a daunting task of methodically parsing out all priorities and trying to decipher what constitutes as urgent versus important. To add complexity to this struggle, I have upheld that everything is a priority, resulting in nothing being a priority. The battle I face every day is always attempting to place the needs of others as a priority. It is rewarding and satisfies my soul, and I have found the most joy by placing others’ preferences before mine. My attempts to model this is not vested in receiving praise but as a genuine concern to bring out the best in others. In my journey to better balance work and home life, I have applied the following anecdotes derived from the 40th Chief of Staff of the Army’s initial message to the Army team: People First – Winning Matters – Army Strong.

Our Past Decisions Fuel Current Circumstances

As leaders, we are often faced with making decisions that affect both family and career. Career advancement, children, and marriage all compete for needed attention, making everything or every action a priority (Taruiono, 2016). For most, work (career advancement) always seems to win the battle against the other formidable foes. As the Army has undertaken the slogan “Winning Matters” across formations, I believe that being indoctrinated with this mantra cements what at the surface level is a positive marketing slogan and a slightly more insidious subliminal message. Soldiers take hold of balancing career field demands while trying to maintain a presence around their family circles, but the winning matters mentality changes everything, with only a single outcome warranted by the team or individual—a will to win, which comes at a number of costs.

Individuals who do nothing to resolve competing priorities daily need to realize that inaction on their part also constitutes a decision to accept their present results. As expressed by Nathan Rickett, “there are certain events and occasions in life, and I will never be able to recreate or experience, which is a hard reality for most of us in the service (Army).” He further expanded on this discussion, adding, “for myself (Nathan Rickett) I always think of my end goal at work; when I think of that final goal I want to achieve, I find it easier to make time for myself to enjoy the wonderful things this world has to offer”. What I drew from Nathan’s comments was accepting the experiences in his life he could not recreate but attain peace of mind throughout the process allowing him to see a foreseeable end state in which he found joy. Army Major and mentor of mine Mallard-Brown offered similar sentiments by adding, “a productive person manages their time effectively and knows what the top priorities are.” Learning from these two examples has allowed me to segment my time and better manage my prioritization efforts. On the contrary, failure to accomplish a given task is a failure in managing time correctly, which can lead to mission failure.

Overwhelmed, but undervalued

In formations across the military, it seems we are always asked to do more with minimal resources. The burden of being overwhelmed and undervalued is a result that most individuals experience due to organizational climates that disrupt daily routines. In an organization that thrives on ill-defined results, standards may not be upheld, and completion of the task will be preferred over quality. A given task becomes time-sensitive based on providing instructions that do not take into consideration short timelines. During different stages of our career and life cycle, we are faced with what we believe is the “right” or “wrong” (Family Lives, n.d.). Decisions seem to test one’s morals, but stress disrupts both home and work responsibilities if not balanced. If leaders are stressed at work with so many competing priorities, doesn’t it directly relate to not being able to focus at home? Leaders are placed in positions where they are held responsible for managing individuals with different personalities, which can be challenging especially if they were your peers not too long ago.

I have always advised soldiers that the Army’s most challenging rank bestowed upon me was stepping into a leadership position as a Sergeant (E5). You become overwhelmed with the responsibility of managing your team, who were your peers, not too long ago. It was necessary because I matured and took a leap of faith, but coincidently it developed my leadership attributes modeled after the Army Leadership Model (ALM).

Increased stress is added where fear and uncertainty exist. This organization dysfunction can translate to individuals being disconnected at home. For example, wanting to commit to strong family values, individuals may find themselves present at the dinner table but distracted by text messages relating to work (Nawaz, 2019). This choice presents two opportunities, one that whichever path you take cements your loyalty for either – your decision will leave a lasting impact. This dilemma plagues many, and those that seem to have a grip on handling multiple situations are identified as multi-taskers. In my opinion, multi-tasking only adds to one’s ego, as I do not believe in the possibility of multi-tasking. One cannot do two or more taskings simultaneously and be 100% focused either unless you are a computer. Teamwork in the Army seems to remedy the myth associated with multi-tasking stigma that boosts one’s ego.

Throughout my 16-year career (Aviation, Infantry, Finance) I have struggled to manage both mediums when they demand 100% of my full attention. It is hard to being committed to my family life. Mentorship from senior leaders has always seemed to provide some insight into the unknown to combat this silent pandemic. Accomplishing work tasks takes precedence when arbitrary deadlines have placed unnecessary pressures on us, and family life may tend to be neglected simply due to exhaustion. The same enthusiasm is not given to our family because we cannot do it all. If a Soldier has a stressful day at the office they become detached by the extensive emotionally draining demand and provide less support to their significant other. Soldiers tend to better deal with a work-life balance when they enjoy their work and feel like they are a valid organization member. Ironically, this is further ingrained if their efforts, contributions, and opinions do elicit beneficial changes to the organization. Some Soldiers tend to resort to work as an antidote to present family issues, whereas others do not know how to handle and work results suffer. More seasoned Soldiers tend to know how to separate or, even better, integrate both work and family demands. By communicating clear, concise, and realistic timelines for tasks we can alleviate organizational and individual stressors to strengthen the Army Team and Soldiers’ lives.

40th Chief of Staff of the Army Initial Message to the Army Team. Retrieved from https://www.army.mil/article/225605/40th_chief_of_staff_of_the_army_initial_message_to_the_army_team

Family Lives (n.d.) How To Keep A Work-Life Balance. Retrieved from https://www.familylives.org.uk/advice/your-family/family-life/how-to-keep-a-work-life-balance/

Nawaz, S. (2019) 5 Ways to Leave Your Work Stress at Work. Retrieved from https://hbr.org/2019/03/5-ways-to-leave-your-work-stress-at-work

Simmons, S. (2012). Striving for work-life balance. American Journal of Nursing: January 2012- Volume 112- Issue 1- p-25.  Retrieved from https://journals.lww.com/ajnonline/Fulltext/2012/01001/Striving_for_work_life_balance.7.aspx

Tarquino, M, K. (2016) Work-Life Balance? It Is Not About Balance, But Priorities. Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4749681/