Someone Is Always Watching: The Lasting Impact of Quiet Leadership

Mentorship does not always happen in formal settings. Sometimes, it happens when we least expect it, through small acts, quiet consistency, and the way we show up for others over time. In the military, we often lead by example before we ever lead by title. This is a story about that kind of leadership, the kind that stays with people long after you are gone.

A few months ago, I ran into a former Warrant Officer of mine at the grocery store. Years earlier, he had been my Instructor Pilot when I was a junior officer. In the cockpit, he had double the flight hours I did. He was the technical expert. But I was his leader. I was responsible for his development, his well-being, and his success within the organization.

He was with his parents when I saw him. He introduced me by saying, “She’s the one who sent flowers when Grandma died.”

That moment stopped me. To be honest, I had forgotten about sending the flowers. It was a small gesture in a busy season of training and flying, but clearly it had stayed with him. That interaction reminded me that leadership is not always about what we say. Sometimes it is about what we model, even when we do not realize someone is paying attention.

That story has stayed with me, not because it was about me, but because it speaks to the type of leadership I believe in. I have always tried to lead with the same principles I appreciate in others: fairness, presence, and consistency. I believe in creating policies that support Soldiers as whole people and treating others the way I would want to be treated. That day at the grocery store confirmed something I have come to understand more fully with time. People remember how you made them feel, even if you do not remember what you did.

Today, I teach leadership to cadets at the United States Military Academy. One of the most important lessons I try to impart is that you are always leading, whether you mean to or not. Someone is always watching. Your actions, decisions, and demeanor shape the environment around you more than you realize. That influence does not always show up in evaluations or awards, but it shows up in the people who remember you later.

We talk a lot about influence in the classroom, including how leaders build credibility, earn trust, and create momentum within a team. One form of influence we emphasize is referent power, the ability to lead based on respect and personal example rather than position. That is what quiet leadership is built on. You do not have to be the loudest person in the room to make a difference. In fact, some of the most impactful leaders I have worked with were calm, thoughtful, and deliberate. They made space for others, asked the right questions, and kept the team grounded.

As a Blackhawk pilot and a woman in a combat arms branch, I have experienced both visibility and invisibility. I have been the only woman in the room and also the leader everyone was watching. In those moments, I learned to rely on competence and consistency. Sometimes, just showing up, doing the job well, and treating people with respect is enough to shape the culture around you. And sometimes, that is exactly what someone else needs to see in order to believe they belong.

Leadership is not always loud. In many cases, it is the small decisions, the quick check-in after a loss, the extra effort to set someone up for success, or the quiet standard you hold in the way you work that makes the biggest impact over time. These moments add up, and over time, they define your leadership far more than your title ever could.

Not every leader will be remembered for their speeches or grand gestures. Many will be remembered for something they did not even realize mattered. A note. A conversation. A moment of kindness or clarity that stayed with someone long after the mission ended. Sometimes it is the way you listened, or the way you stood up for someone when it counted.

That is why I believe we should lead in a way that holds up, even when no one is looking. Because most of the time, someone is. Whether it is a junior pilot learning what leadership looks like under pressure or a cadet watching how their instructor handles a tough question, someone is paying attention. They are learning from you.

And when they look back, they might remember something as small as flowers.

Mentorship is not always about a program or a title. Often, it is about who we are on the ordinary days. Quiet leadership leaves a mark. The question is, what kind of mark are we leaving?

CPT Allie (Lycan) Ronske is a native of Falmouth, Maine, currently serving as an Aviation Officer in the United States Army. She graduated from the United States Military Academy (USMA) in 2015 and has served in Colorado, Alabama, New York, and various overseas locations. Allie attended graduate school at New York University, where she earned a Master of Arts in Industrial Organizational Psychology. She is currently serving as an Instructor of Psychology at USMA. Allie and her husband, Chase, are stationed at West Point, NY, with their dog Douglas. In their free time, Chase and Allie love to hike, travel, and support Army football.